Who is Lee?​

Lee (28) was born with a neurological disorder that inhibits the full use of her right leg and arm. She has, however, never allowed this inability to become a disability, living her life to the fullest and constantly challenging her body. Although physically strong, every now and then she shows signs of emotional weakness. She is not keen to talk about it, but something or someone has definitely left a scar.

He broke me, but also strengthened me

By Zwothe Joyert Thothori

A clap of thunder. Tree branches and leaves started swaying. The wind threatened to put out the campfire. Lee got goosebumps. She never liked being the centre of attention, but nature - the trees, the thunder and the wind – seemed to be giving her a moment of welcome.

Everyone smiled; she smiled back nervously. Am I really showing everyone my scar? Lee thought to herself. Finally, she started talking.
“We were both 24 the first time our lives intertwined. After spending most of my time without friends, I felt so connected to him, even though I didn’t understand the root of the connection. We attended the same university, came from the same area, were doing the same course and were both intelligent, although he seemed like a super genius - which was a source of motivation for me,” she said, looking around at the others.

Lee paused, gulping like she was swallowing a mega pill.

“At first, he seemed to be aware of the connection, yet he avoided it and me for about six months. But something - I’m not sure what - broke the wall he was trying to build between us. I suspect my work ethic and determination drew his almond-shaped, chocolate-brown eyes to me.

“In addition to working together as study partners, during the holidays, we took walks in different mountains and forests to strengthen our bond, and my fragile body. The physical aspect of my disability is not something I paid too much attention to, but he helped me overcome that. All my life, I’d been used to relying on my crutch to walk, until he became the crutch by my side.” A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, giving her a wistful look.

“The variety of plants and birds in the bushes fascinated him. Although I had no special interest in learning about birds and plants specifically, I felt the connection he had with nature extend from him and into me like a tenuous but tenacious root. I developed an interest in nature, traveling and adventure.” The small smile grew.

“As we spent more time together, we occupied the spaces in each other’s hearts. However, sometimes, we would go through bouts of sudden and sporadic silence. He could be cold towards me for no reason, or act as if I wasn’t there. I remember his facial expressions the most - so cold and remote.  I struggled with the weight of my right arm and leg because I had given up my crutch, and he also stopped helping me move around or get things I needed. He looked so detached,” she said, pain clearly shining in her eyes.

A small silence hung in the air for a moment.

“The last time it happened, the wall between us seemed unbreakable and insurmountable. Two times, these actions led to the end of our friendship. Never had I believed myself to be strong emotionally, but this time, I was a fighter - for my emotions and for our friendship. I didn’t want it to end, but every time I tried to reach out, both he and the wall pushed me away,” she continued, looking down and blinking a few times, as if holding back tears.

“Then, one day, I finally threw in the towel and stopped trying to fix an ‘us’ that did not exist,” she said, a trace of bitterness in her voice, to no-one’s surprise. Slowly she looked up, fixing her gaze on the stars, as if seeking some guidance there.
“Suddenly, he changed his mind. Surprisingly, the more I distanced myself from him, the more he seemed to want to get closer to me. When we had varsity group projects, he would be the first to run to me to ask me to work with him - after making crystal clear that he wanted us to separate. I was so confused!” The pain on her face seemed to intensify, making her appear even more vulnerable.

“He went back to helping me move around, although there was no need. I’d grown stronger. I felt like shouting at him for his selfish actions, but my heart … my heart favoured him and failed me.”

Lee’s words caused a few uncomfortable cringes from her audience, as if hitting home hard.

“Then, one day, out of the blue, he told me he loved me. I knew this, but the sound of the words made my head spin. I felt that he was too heavy a burden for me to carry. But I said yes … no-one had ever loved me before, and despite everything he’d done, I convinced myself that things would get better,” she said, her face showing a mixture of hope and regret.

“I accepted him back into my life as my partner. We spent three years together - of course, with highs and lows, but we were one. Inseparable. One day, something happened that was supposed to make us The Inseparable Inseparables but broke everything we had built together.” The wistful smile resurfaced, somehow made more poignant by the flickering flames of the fire.

“Two men came to our faculty to introduce us to Nature Captured, an international competition. You had to find something beautiful in nature, take a good photograph of it, write a creative text inspired by it, submit it on their website and then they would choose the best entry. The entrants who submitted the best one would receive prize money and a few adventure-inspired trips around the world.”

Her face lit up, showing her enthusiasm for her work and perhaps the prospect of travelling and adventure.

“With our connection and the passion for nature he had instilled in me, we entered the competition as a team. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to move around effectively during the trip if we were to win. But he said: ‘My hands will take care of everything,’ and I believed him.

“We complemented each other in everything we did, as if I was the lock and he was just the right key. He took care of the photography aspect, and I wrote a dramatic text with us as the protagonists. We were still the Inseparable Inseparables.” Her hands talked with her, fingers laced together to show their union.

“We won,” she said proudly.

“A few weeks later, we had to depart on our adventure. He had promised to come to my house to pick me up. But he did not. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I stayed calm and called a taxi to take me to the airport. When I arrived, only a few minutes remained to check in and board the plane. I made it through the gates and began hobbling to the plane. Carrying my heavy suitcase and my handbag was excruciating, but I was determined. I was almost to the plane when I finally looked up, and saw him,” Lee’s voice hitched in her throat, and she swallowed another lump.

“There he was. Standing next to the plane…” Her eyes started brimming.

“I hopped as fast as I could, confused, but certain that we’d crossed our wires; thinking he was waiting for me. But no … he was waiting for a slender, curvaceous lady who was busy tying her shoelaces. Before I could reach them, he took her hand and kissed her passionately. Then, with a single, pitying look over his shoulder, he led her up the plane’s stairway.” The tears she had held back for so long flooded her eyes and ran over her cheeks.

“I froze. I felt my tongue go numb, as if I had just been struck by lightning. I reached into my pocket to look for my phone, to find out if he had sent me a message. There it was: ‘I am sorry for this. I know we worked together to win, but I thought hard about this, and I feel that I do not have the right resources to take care of you during the trip. But I left all the money we won in your account.’ As if that would explain everything.

“With my hands trembling and tears flowing, I responded: ‘Your love is the only resource we need!’ But the message did not go through - he had blocked me.

“The plane took off. He had simply replaced me. Flown away with his new love. But he left me with a love of nature and adventure. Over time, with the help of my physiotherapist and regular exercises, my body has become stronger and I can do a lot more than I used to. I challenge myself. I go on adventures to nearby forests from time to time. I am currently studying to become a tourism marketing manager. It still hurts, but he broke me to build me.

“Anyway, that’s my scar - invisible to the naked eye but still achy at times.”